Political Science

Oct 13, 2010

Dear Dave,

I have a dilemma. One of my employees (let’s call him “Steve”) apparently has enough time on his hands to be running for Congress! He talks about being swamped and working late; but the other day as I was driving home from work, I saw yard sign after yard sign saying, “Stephen Bailey for Congress!” I guess by changing out the “v” in his name for a “ph,” he figured we wouldn’t catch on to him. But believe me, I’m hip to his jive.

Take a look at his web site. He used WordPress! This particular employee is quite the devotee of WordPress. He’s even gone to WordCamp a couple of times. And really, who uses WordPress any more? SquareSpace is the new cool CMS.

And if you look at his calendar, he always seems to be out for a long bike ride: probably just enough time to fit in a debate with an opponent, or to kiss a few babies in the local harvest festival parade.

My dilemma is now that we’re so close to the election, should I do something about this, or should I let it go? On the one hand, I could keep a closer watch on his time at work; but on the other hand if I give him a little slack at lunch time, maybe he’ll be elected. And if he’s elected, he’ll be shipped off to Washington, which would immediately eliminate at least one of my personnel issues.

-Flummoxed in Folsom

Dear Flummoxed in Folsom,

I think you’re getting all worked up for nothing. Sure, what he’s doing is probably illegal, but it does keep him occupied, right? I mean, without this little “campaign” of his, he’d probably still be hanging around the mail room showing everyone his lobotomy scars (“Look, I’m Harry Friggin-Potter!”).

Dan Maes is in the same boat. The management over at Good Times have actually been contributing to his campaign. Anything to keep him from coming back to work and screwing up the ketchup dispenser again. And remember George Bush? Same thing. The Texas Rangers couldn’t wait to get him into the White House. Much better having a pointless eighty-bazillion dollar war than having the Wedgie King hold court in the locker room after every home game.

So relax and enjoy the show. After all, the beauty of this great democracy of ours is that, with enough money and patience, we can have virtually anyone permanently removed.

Where do I send my donation?