Sep 27, 2010

Dear Dave,

I just heard that they’ve released a movie about the guy who started Facebook. It sounds fascinating! Have you seen it? Do you know how it ends?

On Tenterhooks in Broomfield

Dear On Tenterhooks in Broomfield,

When I first heard they were making a film about the origins of Facebook, I was incontinent with anticipation. My only question was, what took them so long?

Originally titled The Passion of the Zuckerberg, the film sets new standards for “static introspection” and “flatline engagement,” director David Fincher’s terms for knocking out 116 minutes of material that is sure to be forgotten in less than one-third that time. This, it turns out, is no easy feat, especially when dealing with a subject as explosive and controversial as social networking.

In spite of the movie’s unflinchingly graphic depictions of people clicking on people, kudos must go to Fincher and his entire crew for leaving audiences profoundly unaffected. This is the sort of sustainable, low-impact film-making that the world has been waiting for, and it’s nice to know future generations will be able to look back through the lens of this film and say, “Were they serious?!

Oh, and don’t let this response go to your head. I don’t want to be your friend.